A time for mourning

A year after Sam’s death I am writing again on a new blog…

Gone upstairs

Wherever there is loss there is grief – and grief is exhausting.  It may be hidden grief – subconscious sadness, buried pain with little outward show – or a more obvious storm of weeping.  Either way the emotional bruising has a huge and probably largely unexpected physical cost. How can I get out of bed and drag myself through another day? There is nothing I want to do, nothing for which I have any energy… I have lost my bearings and purpose and all is grey and pointless. It sounds just like depression – because it is: it is sadness with a reason. In fact in my case there are 3 reasons – a triple whammy.

The first ‘death’ was the ending of a season of work, blogging and ministry – a good ending, a clear finishing point, but still the loss of role and direction. A line was drawn at

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About Sally Ann

True-story teller - words and pictures
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8 Responses to A time for mourning

  1. Charlotte Wood says:

    Hello Sally-Ann,

    I hope you don’t think this is strange of me to have sought your blog, I was hoping to find an email address!

    It’s Charlotte, the girl that works at the restaurant on London Road in Leicester.

    Your story has broken my heart, but I’d like you to know that you and Martin brighten up my shifts and you are a wonderful couple. I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through such pain. It’s coming up to a year since I lost my sister in law and her parents are going through hell.

    I hope to see you and Martin soon.

    Love and best wishes,

    Charlotte

    • Sally Ann says:

      Charlotte! I have been thinking of you! Great to hear from you, sweetheart – bless you. We’ll see you at Lansdowne soon, hopefully (not drinking in January) If you are on New Walk come and ring the bell at 72 – house opposite museum.
      You’ve got my email address now then?
      HUGS
      Sally Ann xx

      • Charlotte says:

        I’d love to chat at some point if that’s ok? I’m desperate to help Alice’s parents but I don’t know how. Have you sought any counselling? X

      • Sally Ann says:

        Not as such but… everyone has their own journey. Perhaps we can meet up with them sometime. Let’s think about that! Keep in touch Xx

  2. Julia says:

    Dear Ms. Dyer,
    Not old enough to make his own decisions, my son is suffering from recurrent brain cancer…
    In search of hope and information I’ve searched the internet. I came across an interview with your son and husband, hence across you… I am so sorry to read that your son died. That even though he’s a part of you he’s not there any more.
    I just wanted to let you know that the lines you wrote just touched my heart, and caused some sort of inner relief.
    Love, Julia

    • Sally Ann says:

      Bless you Julia. So sorry for what you are going through. It is hard to hold on to hope when it is a hopeless situation. Sam managed it by making up his own treatments, but in the end they came to nothing. However, they did keep him positive and that was a great help! You can only walk your journey a day at a time – there is only grace for TODAY. Don’t look too far ahead… that’s how we managed. When I look back on it now I can’t believe what we went through. You are NOT ALONE. Keep in touch
      Love and empathy
      Sally Ann

      • Julia says:

        Dear Sally Ann, I do believe I’m not alone. But there are times these days I feel lost… lost in a space between hope and giving in… I wouldn’t call it ‘giving up’ even though it feels like that sometimes.
        And even though Jona, my son, is still with us – and I hope he will be for many more years to come – it already hurts so bad. I could never stop loving Jesus… but this one hurts so much!
        I kept reading your blog… it feels like one wholesome conversation 😉
        Love,
        Julia

      • Sally Ann says:

        “lost in a space between hope and giving in” – good description. I found the greatest peace when I prayed, “Not my will but your will be done” but that is so hard to reconcile with faith in a Loving God. These things happen in life – to those who don’t even know Him – we are not immune. All I can say for sure is HE IS WITH US through it all. And our times are in His hands. We actually experienced SO much healing as a family during Sam’s 5 years – in our relationships. Sam was really whole inside when he died 🙂 It was time. None of us know how long we have after all… many people all over the world and throughout history lose children… But as someone prayed for us, “Sam is not just in your past – he’s in your FUTURE!” Have faith, beloved. Enjoy these days and months with Jona xxx

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