In the aftermath of coming to the end of the life of this blog, I have been resting, praying and feeling my way forward. After a l-o-n-g winter, early spring is now on the doorstep, so this is simply a short PS to round things off for those who may visit this page. The wonder is, there are still visitors – some perhaps new to Sam’s story and others in search of any still relevant reading material from the archives – which is most gratifying after all my hours of typing over the months since September 2010! Simply click on any of the pages or any of the categories and see where it takes you…
I do still intend to use a lot of the family material to compile a book: “Sam son: living with a terminal diagnosis” or “Learning to die and life before death” – or something 😉 But I don’t know when that might happen… Sam’s story is far from over but I feel it is now his story to tell, rather than mine. Meanwhile I have my own story, as a mum and as a writer – the agonies of letting go and the rediscovery of my own identity and gifts. As I read today: “children are their parents’ guests… not their property. In many ways children are strangers. Parents have to come to know them, discover their strengths and their weaknesses, and guide them to maturity, allowing them to make their own decisions.” Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey, p81.
Anyway, since December there has been little I can report on Sam: the new girlfriend didn’t last, but so far his good health has. He is symptom-free and awaiting a scan in a month or so – just to ‘have a look’… hmmm. It may not be a good idea, but after a year of guessing it has to be done. The daily mental pressure of having been given a death sentence continues: we are more than proud of how well he has handled this, becoming his own man in the face of such adversity at such a young age. He puts his recovery down to Dean’s acupuncture and healing abilities – even more than any benefits from taking high-dose cannabis – while we praise God and are grateful for any way He has used Dean’s commitment and friendship or even drugs or diet: the Lord is obviously answering many continued faithful prayers.
We still don’t take any of it for granted – wow what a ride! we have all learned so much and there has been so much healing! – yet we still live with loss, sadness and things not being what they ‘should have’ been. The future remains uncertain – but then so does everyone’s! Sam is still proposing to start an internet business in marketing and is buying and studying on-line courses constantly with that in mind. Whether it will ever actually happen is another matter, but it gives him hope for the future, so we pray and trust for provision and for the way to be made clear as we go – just as it has been through the ups and downs so far.
I am now going to diversify my blogging. I have gained great pleasure from posting daily photos on A Lover of the Light this winter and that will continue. I am aiming to restart Longing to Escape with a piece for Mothers’ Day: 4 months exactly after calling it a wrap, that blog – unlike this – seems to be getting a new lease of life: the stories are demanding a language of words as well as pictures, so they can find readers out there – in the public place.
In addition, I want to start a new blog specifically for poetry, to develop the creative side of being a wordsmith and host a space for other aspiring poets: (a week later and here’s the link to Ray and Redhead 😉 Meanwhile, any specific teaching on Scripture, prayer and passing on of my spiritual experience will be posted on The Bees Knees, which is aimed at Open Heaven-ers, younger Christians and anyone else who is interested!
If in 2013 I can get into a rhythm of writing again – out of enjoyment and rest rather than obligation or pressure – I know I can be fruitful in many directions: that, of course, is why this blog had to be cut back… but it now feels as if Spring is in the air again 🙂
Couldn’t have done any of this without your support – all you friends and visitors – 31,000+ hits. What can I say but a massive THANKS – and if it seems good to you, follow me where I am headed now!
Signing off – Sally Ann xx