Ever since I said I was going to look back at the summer months I have been struggling to do so: I want to, I want to, but I’m being pulled forward at the same time! I suppose I thought I could be kind to myself and set aside some cud-chewing time… but when have I ever been good at putting enjoyment at the top of my to do list?! Deciding to do something, even saying you are going to do something, doesn’t get you to actually DO IT! There are always other more urgent things that take priority simply because they involve deadlines…
Well, I AM going to do it – yes, yes, I deserve this wallow in lovely memories! – and I know where to start now, exactly 4 months ago with a mid-July weekend. We spent the Saturday at a wedding – a very happy reunion with the parents of the bride and other old friends from Surrey – and then drove to Oxfordshire for the night so we could go to Martin’s old college for an open garden day on the Sunday: I have bountiful pictorial evidence of a perfect English summer day combined with a trip back in time to 1974! Martin and I didn’t meet until 1980, when we both moved to Cambridge within a month of each other to work in Addenbrooke’s hospital, so it was a great treat for me to be part of an Oxford college for a day and imagine him in his 20’s 🙂
However, outside my window here in Loughborough, back in good old 2012, the weather is decidedly autumnal… and there seems to have been another sort of season change too. Quite a few things have started happening that want to propel me forwards, not backwards, causing my erstwhile desire to engage in a spot of nostalgia to feel as if I’m pulling in the wrong direction and fighting against the season. That’s an oxymoron for someone like me, as ‘prophetic’ is the adjective tangentially opposed to ‘nostalgic’! You’ll know I am always trying to discern the season and wanting to flow with it, it’s my natural direction to swim – but suddenly I find myself torn: surely it’s time to rake up last season’s leaves, not resurrect their finery… but I don’t want to let go so fast!
To explain my dilemma: In the past 10 days I have started not one, not two, but three new blogs! OK – one is a private journal so I don’t have to write so much in long-hand – but still that leaves two new public ventures – surely all this activity is a sign of something new opening up? Yes – and it’s all good 🙂 I am now going to be writing regularly specifically for my young friends in Open Heaven, looking to pass on some of my experience in prayer and the prophetic to a new generation. I suddenly realised this is the direction I should be going, rather than throwing posts into the general melting pot of the blogosphere, because it seems far more sensible to back up the things I am now doing in our church community – which have multiplied of late – with written teaching aimed at readers I actually know, rather than simply telling stories about more commonly shared experiences for readers I don’t know at all and who won’t even miss me!
So… I have escaped from Longing to Escape, for now at least, and started The Bees Knees instead – there’s an explanation of why that name, etc if you click here. Basically it siphons off some of the more specialised areas from this blog, leaving me free to write about Sam, the family and more general personal events on here – and yes, that is also going to include last summer 😉 Because of course I know that even when a season is over there is much value in re-examining it and I don’t want to rush forward so fast that I forget all the gifts we have been given or miss the lessons there are to learn… so it’ll definitely be good to linger in 2012 for a while longer!
And the third new blog? While trying out different themes I came across one that is perfect for displaying a daily photograph and so, not wanting to abandon the public domain completely, I started another blog just for that! This has made Little Sally very happy 🙂 It is so easy just to post a picture – as I sometimes do here – and I have so many: it is simply another way of enjoying those memories and moments again. So do have a look at that one too if you like: it’s called A lover of the light – with thanks to the Mumfords’ track – and I’m posting daily, choosing random favourite photographs which in some way link or reference the previous one. After nearly a week of posting I’ve quickly ended up on various beaches in bright summer sunshine there as well, so perhaps its time to find a way to return to a more seasonal theme before we all wish ourselves in the Caribbean for the winter!
So – I have my work cut out now: I am looking back and moving forward at the same time! Yes, unbelievably moving forward, as through an open door, as Bees Knees and the associated activities at Open Heaven develop – loads of favour and relationships flourishing in an unprecedented way. ‘Co-incidentally’, it was on the last day of October I actually saw this old door again – let the reader understand! – and it was propped wide open with a brick: in the 3+ years of walking past it I have never seen that before – and it stayed like it for over 24 hours! The Lord has used this door to be a sign to me in the past, so what is it saying now? Have we passed through? Is the battle finally over? Has the new era come? Maybe I can begin to believe it has – new life is certainly springing up in the new generation for which I have been praying for so long and as Sam has remained well and grown more emotionally stable – even Becca is doing well (both kids at the same time? amazing!) – I have been free to get more involved and contribute, both in the local church and further afield: my vision is growing again.
Perhaps at the moment I do just want to stand and look around me for a while, but now at least there is some freedom to move – I have a choice, where before I was completely locked up. That is certainly something new to savour and enjoy – thank God!