Warning: this post may not be pretty! Please forgive me in advance for moaning, grumbling and generally venting my anger because just like in some of David’s psalms I want to call down judgement on the wicked and get bloodthirsty! You do know some of the sweet psalmist of Israel’s stuff is pretty scandalous, don’t you? Those songs of lamentation are part of the canon of Scripture as much as the peons of praise and heartfelt worship. Do we ever dare to shout out our injustices like that, stomping round the place cursing and swearing? Is that allowed do you think? 😉 I don’t know – but it just IS… and God loves honesty.
Because seriously, I am CROSS and this is a raw and wounded cry in the only way I can think to release it tonight. Since this blog has become my vehicle and you, the readers, seem to be my travelling companions, I am writing again, to try to sort it all out, make sense of it, bring myself back to peace and trust – probably just as David was trying to do. So I am giving you fair warning and I really don’t mind if on this occasion you don’t want to read any more because – don’t be shocked, don’t say I didn’t warn you! – I’m going to let rip!
IT’S NOT FAIR!! IT IS UNKIND, HURTFUL, MISINFORMED AND THE HEIGHT OF PRESUMPTION TO CRITICISE MY HUSBAND OR MYSELF FOR ANY NEGATIVE TREATMENT OF SAM DUE TO OUR DIFFERENT VIEWS AND APPROACHES!
Grrrr! Guess what – I have re-read the Mail on Sunday article a few more times since Sunday – its understandably a bit of a focus at the moment – and tonight I foolishly spent some time looking at the comment section: Sam himself posted there and I wondered what he had said… just nosey I guess. A subject like this is sure to stir up factions and feelings – cancer and death are so emotive. We have seen it before when Sam wrote his piece on the drumming forum (see In his own words). So it is to be expected there are a mixture of responses, from lovely remarks left by those who are kind and supportive (‘I was most touched by the sheer dignity of you all’ and ‘Go for it Sam!’) to the intense and detailed ones of those who advocate the various alternative/self treatments and spiritual healing (it has worked for them and those they know.) Then there are commentators who know people who have died after relying on the Budwig diet and think only conventional medicine is of any use and are rude to anyone who wants to try anything else (Sam is a ‘clot’ and should listen to his wiser father). It is a melting pot of opinion and experience -those who have a point to make, those who hate doctors or have lost a loved one perhaps… All sorts of people from all over the world! You may be able to see some of the 40 odd comments, but they have stopped taking new ones now and it keeps clicking out, so maybe just take my word for it and don’t upset yourself like I have. Though I would like to, it would be stupid of me to wade in and comment myself, make myself even more vulnerable. I have sent in a complaint to the paper though!
I am angry with people who can’t read what has been faithfully recorded by someone who bothered to talk to us all in depth. I am peeved with a news editor who changed a headline to make it more sensational and eye catching. I am hurting at having our reality so exposed to those who have not experienced this pain, but think they know about it and have a right to judge us anyway. But I am absolutely furious at several comments from people deriding us as parents, telling us we have no right to interfere with what Sam wants to do and particularly being rude and very nasty about Martin – so nasty I don’t want to quote them. IT’S NOT FAIR!! IT’S NOT TRUE! They simply cannot have read the piece! He is not ‘ego-filled’, a stereotypical dry academic who is preventing his son experimenting with whatever else he can find to help in some way. Equally Sam is NOT blindly following the nutty, anti-medicine crowd: if there was another way he would take it! My two precious men are friends, they are respectful of each other they have both DONE SO WELL in giving one another freedom to hold to their own consciences and we have – as Angela says – gone beyond the call of duty not to control Sam in any way but to make sacrifices to help him, even when we didn’t really want to!
So GRRRRRRRRRR. Now I have said it. And I must forgive and leave the judgement to God who knows everything. Martin is not fazed by it at all (thankfully) and Sam is vaguely amused. It’s just my mother/wife’s heart that is bleeding over the affront to those I love by those who DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT! How dare they presume to judge? When they have walked in our shoes – then let them speak.
As I mentioned in the last post about this, I am not too happy about the way I have come over as a drug-dependent mother either – one comment suggested I should try alternative treatment myself! But Jesus ‘did not defend Himself but entrusted Himself to the One Who judges justly’ (1 Peter 2v23). However, when it is someone you love being slandered, someone as wonderful and gracious as Martin has been in the midst of his hurt and pain, knowing what he knows, etc… it’s a bit harder to relax about it! As Sam said today, ‘Well, Dad knows a LOT more about treating cancer than I ever will!’
So here’s a photo of togetherness. And just maybe they should take up the joint invitations to go on ITV’s This Morning and BBC’s The One Show to demonstrate publicly that there is no ‘row’ in our family – just a lot of love, compromise and release as we trust God to over-rule in everything – especially the things we do not like at all (see Letting go and Balaam’s Ass) As we are undoubtedly part of the ongoing debate and search for a cure for cancer, may it be a lot more tolerant and open-minded than we have seen so far – and yes, more scientific with a lot less wishful thinking too!
So I go back to the Psalms again – this time it’s a peaceful, restrained and faith-filled one!
Do not fret because of evil men or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away. Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret— it leads only to evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. Psalm 37v1-9