The crack in my soul splits open,
A heaving torrent tumbles out:
A flow of sticky, stinking slime,
Black blood of anger, pain and fear
And secret sweat of midnight tears.
A frothy flood pent up too long
As all my efforts took me to the edge,
Now pouring forth will carry me away
With mind unhinged and heart adrift
My finger-holds all lost, feet slip…
I know it has to be released, confessed
And brought into the light of day,
An honest purge, an emptying, the only way.
If I pretend the abscess is not there
Infection bitterness will eat away my bones.
I grab the only solid thing in sight:
A splintered post, deep-driven in the earth,
The ancient wood fixed for eternity within arm’s reach,
To keep my head above this tide
Of shame and helplessness, the grief
As humbled human pride must die.
Now all is sewage-stained: I lie quite spent
Within the shadow of the cursèd tree
Beneath another broken heart and riven side,
Another flood, of blood and water mixed,
As flowing down the cross they reach the earth
To stain a second birth mark on my soul.