I’m waiting here

Find me in the river, find me on my knees
I’ve walked against the water, now I’m waiting if you please
We’ve longed to see the roses, but never felt the thorns
And bought our pretty crowns, but never paid the price

Find me in the river, find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you’re gone and I’m cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I’m waiting here…

Find me in the river, find me on my knees
I’ve walked against the water, now I’m waiting if you please
We didn’t count on suffering, we didn’t count on pain
But if the blessing’s in the valley, then in the river I will wait…

Find me in the river, find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you’re gone and I’m cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I’m waiting here – for You

Delirious? Cutting Edge 4 album, 1995

15 years… that’s quite a long time to wait!  Many things have happened since 1995, of course, including Delirious’ whole career…  The Lord makes Himself known in many different ways over the seasons of our lives and the years of our journey, but who would not agree that in many ways we are still waiting?  To echo another well-loved song, “but I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”.  And 15 years is not actually very long to the Ancient of Days.  I’ve heard it said, that when God says ‘now’ in the Scriptures it means in around 10 years, and when He says ‘immediately’ it can be anything up to 2 years!

But this song is about more than waiting.  It is about counting the cost and positioning ourselves in faith and patience.  It is about realising that when I have done all I can do in my own strength, I can only stop and wait for His.  Its about finding out that the valleys are as important as the mountain tops, because the water runs there, transforming dusty river beds to places of refreshment and blessing.  Its about submission to the ways of God, including suffering, pain and cost.

I am often crushed with tiredness.  I wake up in the morning aching all over and can’t move without a pint of tea!  My immediate response is always ‘WHY am I so tired?’ It could be anything from a broken night to fluctuating hormone levels to the course of strong antibiotics I’m taking.  “Is it too much caffeine (or too little!) or too much alcohol the night before? Am I fighting a virus?  Oh Lord, WHY am I weary to my bones?” It is probably a combination of all of these… as well as the sustained emotional pressure of our lives at the moment. Oh, and I may have been doing just a bit too much lately!

Perhaps a better response would be simply to take a rest.  The ancient Celtic saints used to say,”If you are hungry, eat; if you are tired, sleep”.  Our modern attitude is to keep going, forcing ourselves to fill up the day and do our duty, Protestant work ethic and all that, rather than listening to our bodies. But God seems to have a pretty strong view about this Himself!  I remember preaching about it on a team visit to Preston:  I noticed that ‘P-rest-on’ has rest in the middle of it! Undoubtedly, those who truly ‘press on’ are those who have learned this secret.

“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says, ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength’ – but you would have none of it! You said, ‘No! We will flee on horses’- therefore you will flee! You said, ‘We will ride off on swift horses’ – therefore your pursuers will be swift.”   Isaiah 30v15-16

“God will speak to His people, to whom He said, ‘This is the resting place, let the weary rest’ and ‘This is the place of repose’ – but they would not listen.  So then the word of the Lord to them will become: ‘Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, rule on rule, a little here, a little there’ – so that they will go and fall backwards, be injured and snared and captured.”  Isaiah 28v11-13

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.  But you said, ‘We will not walk in it’… therefore… I am bringing disaster on this people.”  Jeremiah 6v16, 19

These passages are about disobedience as much as the call to rest – so if the Lord is calling us to ‘arise’ it is no good using them as a cop-out!  But isn’t it interesting that the spiritual law of sowing and reaping applies to this as much as to anything else?  If we are self-reliant and self-willed we will reap the fruit of frenetic and exhausting activity! God’s Sabbath law is there to make us dependent on Him, with the protection, provision and peace that brings with it.  As well as the fact that we need a day off 🙂

‘Resting’ and ‘waiting’ and ‘hoping’ are pretty much interchangeable words.  They’re all about being positioned before Him in obedience – trusting His timing, His goodness, His promises and not looking elsewhere for what we need.  “Even the youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who wait upon/hope in the Lord will renew their strength and mount up on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint”. Isaiah 40v30-31.

So… I hope you realise I am talking to myself!  When I feel tired and frustrated I am going to try to practice acceptance – and by that I mean submission, not resignation.  I want to express honesty and dependancy in my weakness, rather than self-effort – and patience in waiting for the Lord’s strength to return to body and spirit.

I think this matters to Him a lot.  He cannot have us succeeding by our own efforts! ‘What is born of the flesh is flesh and what is born of the Spirit is spirit’.  God will only be glorified through His power shown in our weakness.  When we embrace the suffering of sacrifice, walk through pain and allow idolatry to die, then the river can truly flow through us.  Jesus made it very clear that the cost we have to count is: “any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14v33) – which surely includes the pride behind refusing to admit our limits!

Find me in the river, find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you’re gone and I’m cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I’m waiting here – for You

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About Sally Ann

True-story teller - words and pictures
This entry was posted in Life choices, Quotable quotes, Suffering. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to I’m waiting here

  1. Roo says:

    Sally Ann, what a post…thank you for sharing yourself, being totally authentic and transparent. Loadsa love x

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