In his own words

Today I have to step aside and leave the space for my son.  For the first time he has written about his experience of the past few years and his cancer diagnosis, on an internet forum he used to frequent when he was studying drums, under the name of ‘Scratch’.  Below is an edited version but you can try to click through for the full one with his video links and opinions, plus the 60+comments made so far by other musicians…

“What do you do when you’re diagnosed with terminal cancer? Story.

Simple question, really. This is going to be a raw and controversial post so bear with me.

Over 2 years ago, I dropped out of university due to depression, the zenith of which was being alone in my room for a week, not eating. That was about June 08. Eventually the symptoms retreated to a managable, discomforting background noise, though I have the suspicion they’re still pulling my strings in subtle ways.

Then  I signed up for a home study computing course that I could follow through on for the next 3 years. That went well until about March of last year, where I started noticing my right eye displacing. A tree in the distance in the sitting room was turning double vision. On April 1st 2009 I went in to get my eyes checked with the doctors, after an MRI they detected 2 large, unspecified lesions in my brain. One I’m told was up to 15 cm across. I spent the next 9 months in and out of hospital, not knowing what I had – I was told it was a rare brain inflammation called ADEM –  until a shunt (tube to relieve pressure from my head into my stomach) and biopsy (needle in the brain) operation was done on January 21st.

January 29th this year I get told I have an astrocytoma, a grade 3 brain cancer. There’s nothing they can do. Surgery is impossible; the tumour lies deep in my right hemisphere, by the motor cortex. Removing it would leave me ‘very disabled’. I was given a diagnosis of ‘a matter of years’

I had to be taken out of that room in a wheelchair.

So, for the past few months I’ve been at my parents’. I have not taken this news like a coward, I have decided to mercilessly fight this illness until it’s gone. It’s a horrible situation. I’m mostly alone in my room, broke with no job experience, which is my own fault and no sympathy please. But I have to find a way forward. I paraphrase, but that life is worth living is the most obvious of suggestions, otherwise the most inescapable of conclusions…”

“…Immediately after diagnosis, I researched, and researched, and researched. It turns out there were answers. There are many treatments for cancer, verging on an outright cure, and they are emerging on the edge of underground consciousness.

I filed my choices down to several. A clinic in Spain that deals with treating cancer with a combination of flax seed oil and cottage cheese. I’ll let you all finish laughing before explaining with my limited knowledge: cancer cells have weak voltage and the electrical charge in the flax oil fatty acids overloads them so they revert to normal and die naturally. There are many testimonials of the efficacy of this method, and this clinic claim around a 94% success rate…which I simply find hard to believe, so I can imagine YOUR level of incredulity. There’s also MMS, Oleander, collidal silver, and much more for people to look into.

Most promising of all, is when I spent the summer of ’09 in Budapest with a friend, and showed them a video about the use of hemp oil on cancer cells.  This was what truly excited me. Here was video proof of skin cancer being flat out cured in a week, which is a truly audacious, exciting claim. I immediately tracked down a supplier and have taken 40 grams of the stuff so far. The first night of taking the stuff left me unable to walk. It’s mindblowingly powerful. And here’s the rub: I have felt a burning sensation around 10 times in my right hemisphere, now it’s progressed to a squeezing in the top right…and there doesn’t seem to be any feeling of the tumour left in the bottom right. I don’t know about you, but I consider this a very good sign. The MRI in a week or so hopefully should validate that, and add to the centimeter shrinking the last scan showed, from 13cm to 12cm (the result of 7 weeks conventional radiotherapy? or Christian prayer for healing? or…?)

You’re not going to find something like cannabis oil or flaxseed oil, or DCA, under any national health program (see Sam’s full post for his political/financial arguement!) I would strongly recommend you to take care of yourself better, diet, exercise, checkups. Prevention is better than cure, and there is most certaintly such a thing as an ‘anti-cancer’ diet.

So, please leave your thoughts. I’m listening to Ulver’s Shadows Of the Sun, an utter masterpiece I first heard on the day that KeithK died. I hope this information benefits someone, anyone….as for my own emotional and spiritual health, I have been given a pink slip from humanity, I no longer care about drama, politics, empty news calories, religious affiliation, mental blocks, bad food, social Darwinism, any of that. The massive stupidity of a lot of human behaviour is rather blinding to me. Beauty and personal evolution to my own ends are all I have left, and, that’s OK!

There is a chance I could recover, indeed. But I’m not sure what my life would be like if I did. Good days are totally pain free with minimal symptoms (only mild shaking in my hands). Bad days involve being put in an emotional boxing match with my shadow self until it punches all my teeth out and leaves me for dead on the pavement (and then I get up again… 🙂 )

I know three things, whether I survive this or not: I’m on my own, it’s going to get harder, and love is REALLY the only thing that matters.  Thanks for reading.”

As he says, it is not all misery.  The Lord has carried us, through many prayers and Sam has had a happy day today, since posting.  His scan is next week and the results will come some time later: please pray for him

the scan showed no real change :/

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About Sally Ann

True-story teller - words and pictures
This entry was posted in Life choices, Sam's journey. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to In his own words

  1. Sally Ann – Thank you so much for posting this beautifully written, honest and candid account from Sam. Such a gifted and lovely young man. Please send him our love. As ever, nothing amazing that my words can add. Just we are thinking and praying for you all. You are a very special and inspiring family, touching many people just by being.
    Lots of love,
    Ian.

  2. Pingback: Angry and frustrated | Gone upstairs

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